I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
