I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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