I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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