I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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