you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
birth control should be required to get into college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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