I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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