phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
