I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
