i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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