is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We have started to decorate penises.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
