what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
