I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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