sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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