Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
