what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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