he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
