I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
