Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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