If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
