My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
