Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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