its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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