She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
