I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
