dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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