If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
