My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
