this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
