I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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