i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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