he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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