Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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