you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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