My hand turned me down
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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