why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
