ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
