are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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