Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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