did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
