we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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