It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
