1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
