Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
