Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
