is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
