If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
