just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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