She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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