Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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