My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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