so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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