went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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