I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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