I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
