we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
