so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
