But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize