Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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