I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
