Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
